my own hell

These cuts and scars are more than skin deep, an empty stomach could maybe represent a bit of my life. sleepless nights and a restless body, a restless mind. a cut is only in hopes of allowing the pain to flow out, releasing maybe a fraction of my self hate. maybe it's just me but i think it takes a lot of self hate to starve your self away, in hopes that in a few days your heart will stop...if you're lucky. maybe desperate, maybe hopeless, maybe even crazy...so be it, there is hope for me, possibly, somewhere so far away it's vague for me to see, looking at the benefit of a doubt. misunderstood is what i am, forcefully pegged as depressed, confused, lost. i am not lost, questioning my purpose, yes but not everyone without a purpose is useless, they find their way, whatever it is that helps them sleep at night, i envy it. the only thing i see for myself is understanding my hurt to a tee. understanding my diorder is another thing i must say. it's like a math problem, getting close to wrapping your head around it and then someone rips up your paper and you have to start all over, it's like constant mind sweep and every now and then you remember piece by piece and you try to go by that and theres no writing it down because you'll never understand it again, i do it everyday, i suppose that i would be the first person to know. hate is the root of my motivation, i do whatever i do usually because there's someone on my mind i hate, usually myself i suppose my habits could tell you that. you ask why i hate myself and i ask why do you not? you only see what i allow you to only because i'd never let you in, you'd get lost, you'd fear me only because you can't understand me, i know you, i've pegged you and i'm right but i am secretive and observing. i watch what you don't, i know what you don't and i question what you don't. why must watch, why must i bother? because only i can hurt me. you've hurt me before, yes i can't deny, but i can give you my word that it'll never happen again.

fuck you

There's a look on your face that I'd like to knock out, see the sin in your grin in the shape of your mouth. All I want is to see you in terrble pain. Though we won't ever meet I remember your name. Can't believe you were once just like anyone else, then you grew and became like the devil himself. Pray to god I can think of a nice thing to say, but I don't think I can so fuck you anyway. You are scum, You are scum and I hope that you know that the cracks in your smile are beginning to show. Now the world needs to see that it's time you should go. There's no light in your eyes and your brain is too slow. Can't believe you were once just like anyone else, then you grew and became like the devil himself. Pray to god I can think of a nice thing to say but I dont think I can so fuck you anyway. Bet you sleep like a child with a thumb in your mouth, I could creep up beside put a gun in your mouth. Makes me sick when I hear all the shit that you say, so much crap coming out, it must take you all day. There's a place left in hell with your name on the seat, with a spike on the chair just to make it complete. When you look in the mirror do you see what I see, if you do why the fuck are you looking at me? There's a time for all of us and I think yours has been. Can you please hurry up cause I find you obscene? We can't wait for the day that you're never around. When that face isn't here and you rot under ground, can't believe you were once just like anyone else, then you grew and became like the devil himself. Pray to god I can think of a nice thing to say but I dont think I can so fuck you anyway.

Here is a place for people can come and express their feelings of saddness

Bullets-and-bees: i used to cut and i attempted suicide a time or two then into rwcovery and i occasionally slip up but i like to talk about it here and hope you feel confortable doing it as well.